Discopants and Haircuts

Yeah, I am still here. I swear, Christmas is the largest load of hooeee I have ever known. That’s for another day though. 

I have been thinking about some of the things I have learned, from the internets, that has made my life better or cheaper… or both. I have compiled a list. 

1. You know that stuff you put in the dishwasher to stop streaking and spots? Well, we have hard-ass water here and, instead of that chemical crap, we put in white vinegar. Works great. 

2. You know the lint trap in the dryer? Take it out and run water on top of the screen. You will notice that the water does not go through. That’s fabric softener crap. Its the number one reason people’s dryers burn out. I was freaked out the first time I tried it. Just wash it with soap. Use, again, vinegar as your fabric softener. 

3. A simple bowl, near where I walk in the door, has saved me hours of looking time. I put all my pocket crap there when I walk in. Bonus: Put your chargers there (ipod, phone). 

4. If your there is any appendage you have that hurts when you move it… don’t move it. 

5. Shaving. I hate it. Old hair conditioner is awesome for shaving your face, legs, ass or anywhere else society has told you to remove hair from. 

6. You know those 5 blade razors that cost a shitload? Want to make them last? Dry them off, back and front, with a towel after you use them. I have used the same razor for the last 3 months. Still works great. 

7. Boil a bag of potatoes every week. Let them cool and leave ‘em in the fridge. They go with everything when you are hungry. 

8. Metric apology… 

          - 5 deciliters rice

          - 10 deciliters water

          - little salt and oil

          - Put it all in a microwave bowl and mix it up…

          - HIGH 10 minutes

          -don’t stir!

          -15 minutes medium low. 

          -fucking rice man!

I use this one 3 times a week. 

9. Use soap and vinegar for cleaning pretty much everything. Google is your friend. 

10.  Don’t ever put salt in your eyes.

As Steve Martin once said so succinctly, “If you study philosophy, they will teach you just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.” 

When it envelopes you, you will know. It’s this haze that overcomes you. It fills you with a fatigue. Rather than nothing it turns into everything. Need a glass of water? It doesn’t want it to be easy. People want to talk to you?  You plaster a smile and hope they don’t see through it. When you are finally home, before you even take off your shoes, you are headed for the couch. You will remain there, paralyzed, for the remainder of the evening. 

There is nothing to read that grabs your attention. There is no curiosity, only burdens. 

So what is the remedy? I have heard them all. Exercise. Exercise is painful enough as it is. How can I even get myself to begin? Read. Reading makes me want to fall asleep immediately… Something that never was before. Find a hobby. Nothing interests me at all right now. 

I have studied philosophy, religion, literature. I also have put myself in situations that have challenged my drive, desire and sanity. Well, I have reached some sort of place now that is the most challenging of all. 

I feel like a fucking robot. It all feels so full, but pointless, like going through the motions. I have no fucking passion or desire to do anything!!!