Some people have asked why I am no longer titled, “An American in Norway,” and why i am called “Disco Pants and Haircuts.” Great question. Outstanding. I am very proud of you for noticing. Well, I felt that AAIN was rather dry and has been used too much already. You know the whole, “American in….thing.” Dull. What creative genius couldn’t think of that?
Then i was watching the movie, “The Blues Brothers,” and during the car chase through the mall, John Belushi remarks, “Disco Pants and Haircuts……This place has everything!” So I did a search for Disco Pants and Haircuts and low and behold, I discover…No one has used that idea yet! Bravo! There you go camper…there is your answer.
Sandwiches and Pianos
I need to get this off my chest. Having grown up in the United States I have grown familiar with what is called a Sandwich. It is a delightful invention made famous by the Earl of Sandwich . (Let’s not talk about what Lord and Lady Douchebag invented right now) I love sandwiches. They are one of the most underrated inventions in the history of man. Two pieces of bread and all kinds of fixin’s ! Who wouldn’t love that?!! And don’t get me started on Subs/Hoagies/Bombers etc. Beautiful!
Okay…I just had a brief interruption. Where was I?
Sandwiches! Here a sandwich is one piece of bread and 1 or 2 pieces of meat with some mayonnaise and butter. I remember when I was flying from Amsterdam to Oslo they offered us, “Lunch.” The flight attendant asked if I wanted a ham or turkey, “sandwich.” “Well,” I thought, “This has got to be a great country if they have sanwiches!Yippee! I am so happy I want to pooh! Someone get me a magazine, I’m heading to the toilet!” Well, the second part didn’t happen….Anywho….The flight attendant gave me this: 1 piece of bread and one little “Circle,” of processed, “Turkey.” I thought it was a joke or something. I said to the Attendant, “Excuse me, Where is the rest if my sandwich?” She just looked at me and said, “That is your sandwich.” I was floored! It wasn’t a sandwich! It was a sand…..which required much more! So I started joking with the people around me saying,” I think i need to wrap this up…I can’t finish it. Do you have a doggy(or whatever you call it) bag? ” It turns out that this is the way people eat their “sandwiches,” here. Incredible. Absolutely incredible. I mean how are you supposed to hold the damn thing without getting mayonnaise all over you freakin’ hands?!Next I am going to find some people who eat their sandwiches with a freakin’ fork. The Earl of Sandwich is crying…SHhhhhh….If you listen you can hear it.
Here is are some photos for those who are text-retarted.
It gets worse!
The other day…well actually a few months ago, I was really pissed off about something. I think it was during the time when Debbie was pregnant and neither of us had much sleep and we were kind of irritated with each other. Well, I start ranting, as I do from time-to-time.. Debbie looks at me and says, get this, “Take it piano.” …………………………………..
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!!!!!!!!AGGGGHHHHH!
TAKE IT PIANO!TAKE IT PIANO!
It turns out that they think it means to, “Take it easy, relax.” They actually have this dessert called Piano which is supposed to be something you eat when you want to relax. WTF!
So I start joking with Debbie, sneaking up and whispering in her ear, “Take it piano baby….”
Here are some more photos for the text-retarted people…
“Taking it Easy..”"
Taking it Piano
Nough Said….
