Obama and His Family During the Celebration

I am extremely pleased that Barack Obama won the election. I stayed up as long as I could, but fell asleep before the results. I woke up, opened my laptop in bed, read the results and cried. It was as if a valve, that had been closed for 8 years, had been opened. For the first time in my life I feel hope. 

 Being a Generation X’er, I, honestly never believed the future  was bright, full of promise and hope. I feel hope, ironically, since I live in Norway, now. I really feel like the regular, average, everyday American will benefit greatly. 

 I come from a generation of cynics. Do I really believe all will be great, the world will embrace peace, the sick will be healed and the US will become a land of true happiness?  Yes, yes I do.

Over the summer, in July, I was part of a commercial for Norway’s largest sport company, G-Sport. We traveled up to Jutenheimen  and filmed for 2 days. It was a lot of fun. The weather was great, the scenery was amazing and the people I worked with were fantastic. 

Here are a few pics from the shoot.

Me during one shoot. My clothes were supposed to be 70

Throwing the backpack

Me fishing ( I thought this one would be in it for sure)

Now, here’s what did make it in… Kinda sucks but hey, I got paid and had fun. 

Just me in a very long shot.

AND FINALLY… The complete commercial airing in Norway now.

I feel the need to reply to comments but 99 percent of the time I have no fucking idea what to say. That idea may illustrate my current state. I  have very little to reply to anything I experience. I believe it is a combination of:

1. A father who drilled certain ideas into my head.

2. Life experience. 

Ligi writes, “Bring on the bomb.” His explanation is, “This world is infected beyond fixing. Why waste your time? Plus, lets add some rebellious satire. ” Fuck it. 

You know what? I agree… 

I passed over into the living room to find my three girls sleeping soundly. It was heart warming. There is nothing more beautiful than your wife and kids sleeping quietly while you watch a movie on your Macbook and drink beer. Tis the season. I had to make a post before this site started growing mold.Movies I recommend:

• Rescue Dawn
• No Country for Old Men 
• Gone Baby Gone
• The Three Amigos
• The Big Lebowski

1.  I used to think I could fly. If I tried hard enough my will would overcome gravity.  
2.  At one time I thought that drinking myself to death would be fun.
   
3. I think Ron Paul could save the USA. But only for a short time. Like an enema…
   
4. I honestly think that Norway is the best country to live in. The only thing that would make it better would be to have my family and friends (from the USA) here. -  The USA election, based on news gathered from normal internet sources, looks fixed and flawed. It looks like all y’all are dumb assholes. Sorry to break the ‘bubble’ .  Debt, war and ignorance will not carry you my friend. Everyone is dropping your respect.
   
5. My penis is 9 inches. Sometimes I wonder if it helps.
   
6. I have been a dick in the past. I forgive myself. Now eat me. I’m delicious. 

Alright assholes. I am letting you know right now that any private e-mail addresses you have of mine must remain private. Also, I need you to remain hush hush about anything fucked up I have done. I am about to be famous.

As you may or may not know, I am a charismatic person. I hold my own in a crowd, and I hold my own even better in a vagina. I am about to become legend. You know what I am talking about.. I won’t be of the Vanilla Ice/Dexy’s Midnight Runners fame.. I’m talking more, um, Ron Jeremy/ David Bowie Fame. I am well on my way.

I got a casting call for Long Flat Balls 2 in Oslo on Monday. The director will be the dude who did ‘One Night at McCools,’ and ‘Agent Cody Banks.’ They’re looking for some Americans for ROLLS! I AM the part. I highly doubt I will be rejected given my considerable talent and ability. The film resembles an ‘Old School-esque’ Norwegian type film. I will be sure to keep you posted.

When I was bar-tending at the Essex Street Pub in Buffalo for many years I had a particular favorite customer. His name is/was Jack Drummer. He was an old bitter, drunken artist. Apparently, through many different channels, I found out he was quite a known artist in the artist world. He also, supposedly, owned a famous restaurant/bar in NYC years ago that was frequented by the likes of Andy Warhol and Lou Reed, to name just a few. I guess it was a dinky, dark, kind of place that the underground celebrity writers and artists liked to frequent.

Jack used to drink whatever you gave to him. He preferred scotch whiskey. He often would walk in, bifocals on his face, and a New York Times under his arm at around noon… You could walk in three days later and he was STILL drinking, going to other people’s houses when the bars were closed. But it wasn’t the drinking that made me appreciate the guy. It was his character. He was the real deal. My favorite was when a Yuppie asshole would walk into the bar to order a drink and Jack would stumble over to him, rock glass full scotch and say, “Helloooo White MAN!” He would proceed to piss these people off as much as he possibly could. I loved that. Fuck their shit up, cause a stir, wake you from your walking slumber. He payed for it in many different ways. Sometimes he would stumble in with cuts and bruises.

When I just started working there I threw him out right away… after all he was pissing off the other paying customers. But as I got to know him I realized what he was doing. I appreciated the narcissistic side of him. I knew why he was doing it. There were many moments when I got to know him better. I found out his birthday was a day before mine. I used to crank The Doors in the bar and he would salute me and say I was destined to move to California. There was the time he would share his stuttered, mumbled wisdom and I would actually (think I could) understand. There were times I would fill in for Catch or Molly or Nancy on a Sunday afternoon and we would just sit and chat on the patio, listening to some Coltraine while drinking my famous margaritas (very large, very strong and no fucking blending or salt) .

He would be around for a week, two weeks and then you wouldn’t hear from him for awhile. Sometimes I think he would visit another bar, other times I think he was actually getting down to business. I suspected this much because occasionally a strange, wealthy, cultured type would walk in looking for him and they would end up sitting somewhere chatting away while Jack drank the complimentary drinks they provided him.

The years went by after I left the bar. Chicago, the Military, crazy ex-wife I married in Vegas etc. I remember one day I went to his ‘house’ (He lived in a big brick building with one huge room full of canvasses. His bed was a small wooden bench. ) to read some Emerson with him. I haven’t seen him since then. Damn I would love to hang out with that guy at the Pub tonight if I could. Shit disturbing people give me a mental hard-on.

I watched this 20 times and couldn’t stop laughing… What film was it? Airplane II

‘Oh and Bob…Feed the Cat.”

I love carpet. I love… chair.. I love lamp.. I LOVE LAMP.

I was sitting here munching on a chocolate squirrel when, while listening to a series of pre-defined Christmas songs, I realized I hadn’t truly given a painful gift to all my fellow discopanters…. After all, Christmas is about giving. Isn’t about time you all decided to give your life for your country? I don’t care if you are old, retarted, and Republican! I don’t care if you like sheep (and you are a boy) . It’s time to make a sacrifice! It is time to smoke the doobie of patriotism! Suck in the pain of freedom… exhale liberty mutual. You heard me! So stop the rubber drive (he said rubber) and grab your Rosie the Riveter, or rivet-eu-errrrr as the asshole French say, and sacrifice your life for your country! We need to send more shovelers to dig the hole deeper!!!! I’d like to… but I have to make sure the payments are on time for my new flat screen. …And it was good.

You have to understand that there are walls.. and these walls need to be protected.

Grandpa pooped again last night. Hurray!

Without further love… I pass a truly brilliant turd out of my colon. Download, tee hee, only if, tee hee, you own this already, AAAAAHHHH HAAA HAAAAA! Burp….

The World Cup is a big deal here even though Norway isn’t in it. I still have no idea how it works. I guess it’s some kind of tournament type dealy. Regardless, it’s not American Football and seems a litttle unexciting to me.. But to each his own. I played soccer for the better part of my childhood. It is a fun sport to PLAY …

I found this on youtube today. Classic Monty Python…