As Steve Martin once said so succinctly, “If you study philosophy, they will teach you just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.”
When it envelopes you, you will know. It’s this haze that overcomes you. It fills you with a fatigue. Rather than nothing it turns into everything. Need a glass of water? It doesn’t want it to be easy. People want to talk to you? You plaster a smile and hope they don’t see through it. When you are finally home, before you even take off your shoes, you are headed for the couch. You will remain there, paralyzed, for the remainder of the evening.
There is nothing to read that grabs your attention. There is no curiosity, only burdens.
So what is the remedy? I have heard them all. Exercise. Exercise is painful enough as it is. How can I even get myself to begin? Read. Reading makes me want to fall asleep immediately… Something that never was before. Find a hobby. Nothing interests me at all right now.
I have studied philosophy, religion, literature. I also have put myself in situations that have challenged my drive, desire and sanity. Well, I have reached some sort of place now that is the most challenging of all.
I feel like a fucking robot. It all feels so full, but pointless, like going through the motions. I have no fucking passion or desire to do anything!!!
