Discopants and Haircuts

Alright. I have been to, and read,  every damn thing on the internet about the 10 steps to everything. I am truly moved. When I say moved I mean MOOOOOVED. I mean moved like a serious bowel movement that makes you glad to be alive.

So I figured I would offer my 10 top tips to happiness.

1. Get in the shit: Starting at the age of 17/18 (preferably) Experience everything you can. Be rude, cold, nasty at least one time in your life to someone trying to take advantage of you . Realize one thing. You are alone. Period.  Whatever the hell you do you will die alone. Done. In the ground by yourself. Experience pain over and over (Some suggestions could be bartender, waiter, military or shit taker.. they are all the same) . It is the best teacher.  (See #4)
2. Be forever kind to everyone . Endless kindness. Love. If you die tomorrow what will they say?  Yeah, sure asshole crossess you path… deal with it, how you will, move on. Beating an asshole up feels good but never makes a difference. (see rule 3)
3.  When you have to actually deal with an asshole remember this: ” I may not win… but I am going to fuck you up as much as I can ” Their victory will come with a price.

4.  READ! I’m sorry. Did I make this clear to you? R-E-A-D!!! Read about politics, Harry Boner, and how to be a ninja! Read about the effects of not getting enough sleep and philosophy. Read non-fiction and fiction. Make your escape something that makes you grow. Read everything you can. If their is a will there is an answer.

5. Pay attention to the ones you love. They can kill/rock your world. I am serious.  They can do REALLY stupid shit before you should decide to ditch them. It’s all part of the love stuff. BUT! If they hit, rob or fuck you over … think about taking off… !

6. Save a little money every month. $10,000 will turn into a million in 30 some years

7. When you go to bed a night… think of nothing except being Superman. I mean it! Every night when you go to bed imagine being Superman. Fight crime, injustice and anything else you can think of. Be invincible.  I promise you will be asleep before you know it.

8. Eat well. I am in the habit of not eating until I get home from work. I am so damn hungry when I walk in the door that I will eat my shit. I need o work on bringing a lunch.

9. Go WITH TEA!: I can’t explain this better. I make, every night, 2 pitchers (with 4 teas bags) of tea. I stick them in the fridge and let them cool.  In the morning I drink one pitcher, when I get home I drink the second. The thing about tea is it gives you a rush  that lasts. It also doesn’t dehydrate. It is a long lasting high. mmmsweet tea.

10. Forgive beyond your reason.  The big one. I have heard the saying “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. ” But that thought leaves out having kids, good friends and dogs.

You Have been warned…