Discopants and Haircuts

Found online:

As a child, I was taught that the point of toothbrushing is to prevent the bacteria in food particles from producing an acidic environment that would cause tooth decay. Later, in sex ed, I learned that semen is alkaline. So what I’m wondering is, does having a little bit of semen in my mouth before I go to sleep also prevent tooth decay? It’s more fun than using a toothbrush. –Creative Hygiene in Santa Barbara, CA

Frankly I don’t have the faintest idea, C. But please don’t let that stop you from spreading this theory around.

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A friend of mine from Buffalo sent me this:

How’s it going? Are you, A) Somewhat assimilated B). Halfway assimilated or C). Completely assimilated.
I’ve been studying Ethnic Lit of late and the word “assimilation” has of course come up several times with regard to “trans-nationalism” and the problematics of “WE.”
I think about you with respect to leaving the United States to take up life in a completely different country–one of which you were very much in the dark about, and one that many Americans haven’t any real experiential knowledge of. I know that some of your narratives in the past expressed the difficulties you encountered with regard to assimilation.
Dialogue came up in class this week about how Americans are percieved in other countries. I remember you had expressed on more than one occasion, that being an “American” worked against you at times in Norwegian society.

Well, I am not Borg yet. I have drunk (drank?) Borg beer on many occasions with little side effects (other than the obvious) .

She sent me some questions to answer about my experiences living here in Norway. I feel it is fitting to answer them online for all to read. I could go on for days with these questions.. Just warning you ahead of time…

1). I remember you had expressed on more than one occasion, that being an “American” worked against you at times in Norwegian society –In retrospect, how had that effected you mentally and emotionally at the time?

Let me see. George Bush has been a real help.He really has created a bad image of Americans.. Thankfully most Europeans understand that GW isn’t the only American.

One of my first nights here I was at a bar and asked for a light. They looked like decent intellectual folk in my opinion. All I got for my American accent and request for ‘help’ was the middle finger 1 inch from my face. Or there was the time I was at an ‘After Party’ six months into my stay. I still had very little understanding of the Norwegian language so I spoke English. This seemed to single me out to have my face smashed into a glass table many times (breaking my nose) by someone whom I never met nor had any contact with prior to the incident. There were a few others too.

Now, how do I know this had anything to do with me being American? I don’t. One thing I can tell you is that I was a bartender for a really long time. I worked at some ‘rustic’ places and never encountered such acts of hatred towards me, at such a high frequency, as I did here the first year.

I also loved sitting in a classroom, language class, with Iranians, Somalis, Iraqis, Vietnamese, Philippians, Chileans, Colombians and anywhere else we decided to invade, bomb, destroy, fuck over, etc. It’s always comforting to be sitting there, having nothing to do with any of it, feeling like all the things your country has done is who these people think you are. How did I deal with it? I used humor as much as I could. If I was to BE the US I might as well be kind, friendly and funny. I like to think I got along well with the people in my classes. When leaving I used to say ‘Vi vaskes’ (We’ll wash!) instead of ‘Vi snakkes (We’ll talk) ! That was a big hit.

One thing that clearly separates Americans from Norwegians is expression. A Norwegian will not use their face or volume to express themselves as much as an American will. In the beginning Deb had a hard time understanding when I was being emphatic. My voice and expression made me appear hostile rather than expressive here. She wasn’t the only one who misunderstood this either.

So how did I deal with all of this? God knows. Honestly, if I would have made the trip 5 years sooner I would have left and gone home. But I spent a lot of time on myself in the years before coming here. I got to know myslelf and learned better how to deal with adversity. Think about it. I had a decent job and a family that lived close by. I was at the start of making my way in this world. I then decided to ditch all of that and start again in a very foreign country. Many times I thought about that. Problems were endless.. ‘This soon will pass,’ was a reoccurring phrase I used. It was in no way easy the first few years. I am really amazed at myself for making it this far. Now that I have a job and a nice place it is getting better.. Miles better than how I lived in the beginning.

More tomorrow..