I Love Carpet
by Dr. Pants on Dec.21, 2006, under Classic, Life and the Universe
I love carpet. I love… chair.. I love lamp.. I LOVE LAMP.
I was sitting here munching on a chocolate squirrel when, while listening to a series of pre-defined Christmas songs, I realized I hadn’t truly given a painful gift to all my fellow discopanters…. After all, Christmas is about giving. Isn’t about time you all decided to give your life for your country? I don’t care if you are old, retarted, and Republican! I don’t care if you like sheep (and you are a boy) . It’s time to make a sacrifice! It is time to smoke the doobie of patriotism! Suck in the pain of freedom… exhale liberty mutual. You heard me! So stop the rubber drive (he said rubber) and grab your Rosie the Riveter, or rivet-eu-errrrr as the asshole French say, and sacrifice your life for your country! We need to send more shovelers to dig the hole deeper!!!! I’d like to… but I have to make sure the payments are on time for my new flat screen. …And it was good.
You have to understand that there are walls.. and these walls need to be protected.
Grandpa pooped again last night. Hurray!
Without further love… I pass a truly brilliant turd out of my colon. Download, tee hee, only if, tee hee, you own this already, AAAAAHHHH HAAA HAAAAA! Burp….



December 21st, 2006 on 8:14 pm
My favorite Christmas AV memory is the sequence in The Victors where Frankie is singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas while Eddie Slovak is marched out in the clean fresh snow and executed. Of course, the ultimately absurd pataphysical Christmas is the one Phoebe Cates expounds upon in Gremlins. Do you realize that Brenda Lee is still singing Rocking Around The Christmas Tree? Or that I’m digitizing my old Chubby Checker and Bobby Rydell Christmas albums, which I hope to send to insurgents around the world to help end the war on error? f
Nog! Nog! Bring me more nog! Wake me when I turn 80.