Discopants and Haircuts

You know, it fucking figures that the last few months have been so eventful and I have had nadda for internet service..

Here’s the most recent goings on.

Amanda. Beautiful, cute little Amanda, who turned 1 at the beginning of October, was walking around the house a few weeks ago when I noticed she had to little marks on her ear lobe. I looked, curious, showed it to Debby and neither of us could figure out where the marks came from. I mean, she’s one. She doesn’t go outside unless someone carries her. They almost looked like little bite marks from an insect. We just couldn’t figure it out. Well, two days later it looked worse. A day after that it looked like some mutant Klingon had begun to feed off of her ear lobe. Her ear became puffy and had a rotted look to it. Kind of like J. Lo’s ass on a beach.
Monday came and we took her to the Doctor. We were anxious for tests and were glad to hear a few antibiotics would do the trick. But that was all the fucking substitute doctor had to say. He seemed too much in a hurry to be bothered. He said it wasn’t a virus and that she just needs some rest and medicine. I was kind of pissed off because the guy never really told us what it was she had.

We did what he said. We cleaned her ear, put a special ointment on it and fed her her medicine 3 times a day. By Wednesday we were getting nervous. Things looked worse. We rushed to the emergency room on Thursday..

At the emergency room they took her pretty quickly. They drew blood and did tests. The doctor then explained to us that her ear was very contagious (gee thanks for letting us know). The nurses showed us the proper way to clean her ear which involved peeling away old dried skin, something Debby and I thought was supposed to fall off itself. They then explained that we should change her pillow daily and give her a separate towel etc. The nurses cleaning revealed a healing ear and she, over a week later, is still gettting better.

Well, Friday comes. Deb and I get a few beers and the kids go to sleep early. I have a few but notice that I am not feeling so strong. I wake up Saturday and feel like I had been bludgeoned with a meat tenderiser. I got up and tried to face the day to no avail. Deb insisted it was the beer, but this didn’t feel like a couple beers hangover. This was painful. She still insisted that it was the beer and I reminded her that I was the king and would not be trifled with. She relented, accepting all things I say as fact and divine.

Later that night I noticed a soar on my lip. By Sunday morning  it had gone to my  gums, throat and chest. Total and complete pain. I couldn’t eat, nothing would go down and everything was painful. Just swallowing water was a chore. Monday came and I tried to get myself to go to the doctor. I felt drunk. I was so out of it that when I stood up I was stoned. There was no way I could drive. My only choice was to rest a lot and try again tomorrow. Tuesday came and I put myself together and went to the emergency room. The drive is 40 minutes to the hospital from our new place. I think angels drove that car my friends because I have no recollection of it.

I walked into the emergency room and two nurses were chatting. There’s no one else in the place. They can see I am just  a mass of meat . They send me to my doctor who, btw, loves making people wait for hours, which I did incidentally.

So what do I have? For the last 9 days I have been battling a severe staff or strepp infection. I have done nothing and probably consumed 1500 calories in a week. It was, by far, the most crippling and painful weeks of my life. I have just begun eating food again. I feel I am getting better but it really is a slow recovery.

So what’s the point? Being a Doctor myself I must say this. A fast doctor isn’t a fast doctor. A fast doctor makes mistakes more often and will create more problems than he resolves. If you are a doctor like myself, please take time to educate your patient. It may take extra time, but in the long run it will prevent further problems… The More You Know..’*
Dr Pants

phd Pantology.